


Teenage Female Power

by glindasgay (rootcoding)



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, and mentions of bullying and that kinda thing, but not too severely, warning for homophobic slurs in parts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-08 10:53:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14692701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rootcoding/pseuds/glindasgay
Summary: janis learns regina's secret and begins a complicated hidden relationship with her whilst still pursuing her vengeance plans with cady and damian and gets in over her head with complicated deceptions and betrayals where she is keeping secrets on both sides. just lots of gay angst really.





	1. Sorry is the Kool-Aid of Human Emotions.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not entirely sure how long this will end up being !  
> feel free to send me prompts for my one shot series or come hmu on tumblr @ groolforschool  
> pls let me know what you think ! comments and feedback actually make my entire day  
> go forth and be gay ilu

She shouldn’t feel guilty, not really. The rage that had swept her along had been her momentum for years now and showed no signs of ceasing, so then why did Janis feel just that small twinge of remorse (mingled with satisfaction) as she watched Regina George gleefully consuming her second Kalteen bar of the day? There was something almost pitiful in it - the most beautiful, influential figurehead for their student body being undermined by a band of losers and a Swedish nutrition bar. Janis felt that she finally understood the term ‘poetic justice’, although maybe a little late to save her dismal English grade. It wasn’t that she didn’t read the books, nor that she lacked opinions (boy, did she have opinions), but more that her essays often resembled well-reasoned rants and lacked ‘balance’ or the ability to hide how she truly felt. But sitting there in that cafeteria, Janis felt the most conflicted she had since her plan had begun. After all, her and Regina had been friends once upon a time. They had been legendary, those girls who were so rarely seen apart. Her weekends had been spent sprawled across Regina’s plush carpets, feigning interest or delivering scorn towards whatever fad had appeared in such bright flimsy magazine. Her artistic abilities had been first discovered, long before therapy, in her ability to paint delicate designs with a toothpick onto her friend’s nails or to take her turn begrudgingly in a make over that’d only end with her gazing with open admiration at Regina’s flawless beauty - even when covered with sticky prepubescent cosmetics. 

She was so lost in her daydream of time gone by that she hadn’t even noticed the plastic princess leave the cafeteria, not until she almost crashed into her forcing open the girl’s bathroom door. Regina, standing lipstick in hand, admiring her own reflection, didn’t even grace her with a response. Even a curse or sneering retort would have been something, but she ignored Janis as she stomped loudly towards an absent stall. The bell had sounded for class and the corridor outside was alive with activity. Janis resigned herself to wait it out within the cubicle until she heard that familiar crash of the main bathroom door ring out so she would not have to face another silent moment with the once best friend who had become her nemesis. She waited, but it did not come. Cursing the barbie-esque bitch at the sink, she quickly realised if she remained imprisoned much longer she was opening herself up to a whole host of rumours. Who knew what Regina was cooking up as she primped and preened by the mirror? Janis remembered with a bitterness she could almost taste the way it had felt to see the petition (her name in bold at the top - JANIS SARKISIAN IS A SPACE DYKE), the sideways glances and slurs carved into her locker like they were engraved onto her bones and she carried them with her with every tread. She could recall instantly the rejection and hate, the way everything Regina stated snowballed into a frenzy, the way they had all bitched and cried that she should not be allowed to change for gym with them, to even use the bathrooms. The way she had found sanctity in the only way she could, with fellow outcasts who understood. Yet, even as the years had passed and the year had grown and learnt not to openly scorn as they once had when they were just thirteen, the pain of it still marked her as an outsider. But she would not be a victim, not for Regina George, not for anyone.

Forcing herself up, Janis turned and flushed without taking a single breath, opening the door with a fabricated air of confidence. It wasn’t like Regina’s serene and untouchable aura, but something more angry and defensive. Unsurprisingly Regina was still at the sink; it was not unlike her to be late for a lesson. What did literature or mathematics matter when you were the Queen Bee of some pathetic sheepish student body? Janis stood with her gaze silently boring into Regina’s back for half a minute before her patience broke.

“You’re blocking the sink.” Tone flat, demanding. She was determined not to rise to any bait. Though Janis had to admit, as antagonising as Regina was, those Kalteen bars were yet to do anything to damage her appeal. Janis wondered for a brief moment, as she begrudgingly admired the blonde, whether she was fighting a losing battle there. Maybe they would be better offer chasing other avenues for sabotage. 

“You going to go paint about it?” It was the way she tossed her hair, eyes not even glancing away from her own reflection to meet Janis’ glare that irked her the most. She just cocked her head, moistened her cherry-pink lips and twirled a single strand of perfect hair around a manicured fingertip. Like she didn’t care, like the world was something she could crush beneath her heel. It didn’t even cross Janis’ mind for a moment that a shred of guilt may exist within the ice queen of North Shore High, that it could be that remorse blossoming like a weed inside Regina that kept her from meeting her gaze.

“Real mature, Regina.” Rolling eyes rimmed with charcoal, her unpainted cheeks creating their usual stark contrast against those heavily shaded lids; her own make-up had never been her medium, despite her skill at colour and design. She’d always opted for a more dramatic look. “You were the whole reason I was even in art therapy back then so go suck a -”

“I’m sorry.” The words were quick, almost flippant but there was a weight there that would only be felt by one who knew Regina George, who knew that the blonde girl never apologised, never backed down even when pressed in a corner. Somehow the blasé response caused Janis’ temper to spike. How dare she? After all this time, Regina thought she could throw out a simple two worded shrug. She deserved more.

“Excuse me?” Janis replied, her tone incredulous and her eyes bugging. For the first time she glanced up to look the other girl full in the face. She was a little softer looking now; could that be the Kalteen bars already doing their work? Or was it the absence of malice in her bright eyes now actually focused upon her, not narrowed or scowling but oddly earnest and uncertain. “You’re sorry? Sorry for what?”

“Oh, shut up. You know what for, don’t go digging.” This was the Regina she remembered. A girl who could hide her own emotional depth with a roll of those sapphire hues and a dazzling smile. She was a predator, about that Cady had been right, but there was something else to it. Her bright colours, her intoxicating appeal, was all a part of a larger defence mechanism. The oldest trick in nature, to become something so powerful and brilliant that it could not be touched. It was like watching performance art. Even though you knew it wasn’t real you could not help but become drawn in. “Well, come on. Wash your hands, don’t be gross.”

In truth, Janis had not even noticed that Regina had shifted out of the way of the sink. Only just to the side, so she had to get uncomfortable close just to trigger the sensor beneath the tap. She shrugged her shoulders in close, hunched and stiff, so she did not have to brush against the other girl as she washed her hands before withdrawing and moving to exit without another word.

Suddenly, without much warning, her perspective shifted. Her back was pressed hard against the wall, head colliding angrily with a hand-dryer which was whirling loudly in her ear, before she could even focus on how she had got there. But then there were lips softly kissing hers and Janis forgot the noise, the pain in the back of her head that had struck so suddenly faded into a bruising ache, and she was kissing Regina George against the wall in the cafeteria bathroom. 

It was not how she imagined it (if she would ever allow herself to confess that she had), not how it had been that one time so many years ago when they were just kids, fumbling and naive in the safety of Regina’s bedroom. There had been none of the animalistic desire that now burned in her veins, something fierce and passionate which brought her palms to rest against Regina’s exposed waist. But it took her back to when she had giggled before clumsily pressing her lips to Regina’s, sticky and tasting of strawberry chapstick, while she marvelled at how sweet it felt. It had been nothing like she’d ever felt for any boys; Janis had never wanted to kiss any boys at all. In fact, that had been why Regina had coaxed her into practising on her back in eighth grade, but her awkward enthusiasm for their innocent exploration had taken a dark path. The sudden recollection of that rejection sent Janis spiralling and she shoved Regina back forcefully. She didn’t care if it hurt, she didn’t care that she could still taste her now-matte lipstick and the soft floral scent that was so distinctively Regina still hovered around her like a ghost of their shocking encounter. All she wanted was to get as far away from Regina and her mockery as she possibly could.

“Stop it. This isn’t funny.” There were tears in her eyes as she fled the bathroom. She was being made a joke all over again. Teased and outed. This was all just some joke to Regina; well, Janis was going to make her pay for her crimes. Once school was through she’d spend all evening with Cady and Damian, plotting and scheming for new methods of revenge. Janis stalked through the halls, seething and raging, fingers frantically brushing away any lingering trace of Regina from her lips. She still felt her imprinted there, as though she had burned her flesh. Without thinking, Janis led herself towards the art rooms.

She felt calmer in there, much like in her own studio set-up at home. With a brush in hand, she could change the world into what she wanted, shift and recreate it. Perhaps she could illustrate her recurring dream of Regina’s head on a spike in her fist - maybe a little violent to explain to whichever teacher encountered her drying artwork. She did not need to be sent back to therapy. Not that it hadn’t helped. In many ways Regina’s retaliation had blessed Janis with the greatest gift she could have asked for, time to work out who she was and what she desired and a love of art that had never faded. The tranquility of the room took hold of her and quieted her temper and she had begun to work on a half-done piece left upon the aesil when an all-too-familiar face strolled in through the open door. What on Earth was Regina George doing here, so prim and out of place amongst the chaos of the art room?

“I thought you’d be in here. Jeez, it is a mess.”

“What are you doing here, Regina?” Janis blanked, she could not even hide her surprise. Panic seized her gut and she tried to remember those stupid counting exercises she’d learned, or was it deep breaths? She couldn’t remember. All she could think about was how that face had been so close to her own, her fingers had brushed the skin exposed by the crop top riding up over her belly button - surely that had to be against the dress code? Janis stared pointedly at her painting, avoiding the glamorous intruder.

“I had a free lesson.” Regina on the other hand did not seem remotely fazed. She walked with purpose, surveying various pieces from around the room, often picking them up if she recognised the style as Janis’ own.

“You are supposed to be in math.”

“God, you really are so obsessed with me.” Regina smirked along with her reply, almost too teasing to be genuinely mean. Yet Janis still cursed under her breath at Regina’s response. God, how was everything she did so effortless from her bell-chime laughter to her casual cruelty? The blonde girl came to a stand-still beside Janis, her head cocked to one side as she watched her paint with an inscrutable expression upon her perfect features. Rifling through Janis’ art supplies, there was something deliberate and goading in her actions, as though she wanted to force some reaction out of Janis.

“Damian is in your class.” She plucked the paintbrush out from Regina’s hand, irate and on edge. This was supposed to be her safe haven and it was being defiled by a blonde-haired devil and her intoxicating perfume. Could she really detect it from this short distance or was it just the memory from less than an hour ago when it had been all she could smell? With Regina’s body pressed close to her own and her lips gentle against hers. Shaking her head to clear it, Janis dropped her own brush down on the side so she did not have to think about how much her hands were trembling. “Now, are you not going to explain what happened before?”

“What happened before?” Regina’s faux innocence was aggravating, although not as much so as the way she traced her painted nails lightly over the art that decorated the sides of the room. Everything about her had Janis on high alert, hypervigilant as though under attack. She felt visible, exposed. It was not inherently a bad feeling, but uncomfortably new and alien. With Cady, she was always in control and with Damian, she was content. Regina was like being stuck in a room with a tiger everyone insisted was domesticated, one with a wicked grin that told you otherwise. Powerful and graceful and beautiful -

“You assaulted me in the bathroom.” Crossing her arms to indicate distance. Pretending, even to herself, that she wanted to be further away. Keeping anger in her expression. Keeping fury in her mind, holding onto her rage because it was something she understood. When pain becomes familiar, even the concept of forgiveness is a chore to ponder.

For the first time, Regina looked taken back. “No - you - you kissed me back.” Had Regina really meant the kiss? It was not some part in an elaborate joke? Not for the first time that day Janis was hit with a pang of guilt that tugged in her chest, almost a physical pain as she mourned the friendship she had long since lost and given up on ever reclaiming. Was her eighth grade vengeance still justified, or just the remains of some childish rendetta? Could Regina have been projecting all those years ago?

“Are you - ?” but the words were hardly past Janis’ lips before Regina interjected. Janis’ tone softening as guilt bled into her once ironclad conviction. Perhaps they could sort this, perhaps this was the moment -

“I don’t owe you anything so don’t even think about spreading that nonsense; nobody would believe you anyway.” And with that she left, her hair swooping over her shoulder and she strolled out the room with the kind of confidence you could only envy and never mimic. The prettiest poison, that was about right. Guilt blossomed to bitterness as Janis swallowed hard. Of course, no one would believe her. No one would believe that Regina George, girlfriend to Aaron Samuels, would have wanted to kiss Janis Sarkisian, the space dyke, against the wall of a high school bathroom. It sounded ridiculous. It was ridiculous. 

No, Janis shouldn’t feel guilty and she would not. Regina deserved everything she had coming.


	2. Have Enough Courage To Start.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more gay angst and some softness. the beginnings of a secret relationship and the problems that come along with that between regina and janis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not entirely sure of this so feedback is hella appreciated.  
> feel free to send me prompts for my one shot series or come hmu on tumblr @ groolforschool bc i love to talk about mean girls ok  
> warning for mentions of homophobia, not too severely though. their relationship is going to remain kinda complicated and toxic-ish until they can get everything out in the open which will be more post-show and in maybe like two chapters time. i just feel like they have a lot to get past first.  
> pls let me know what you think ! comments and feedback actually make my entire day  
> go forth and be gay ilu

It certainly was not what Janis had expected. The weekend had come and gone without word from Regina, exactly like every weekend since eighth grade, and she was prepared to return to her mundane existence where the two acted as though their history was nothing more than a buried memory, a bruise and a cause for vengeance but certainly not a bond. What she had not been prepared for was Regina George advancing on her the moment she left her front door for school on Monday morning.

“What are you doing here?” She didn’t mean to sound so brusque, not after everything that had gone before, and yet the words escaped her like a bark. Harsh and forbidding. Regina was unfazed.

“I know where you live. I didn’t forget - I’m not Karen.” Cruel as it may seem to some girls to use one of your closest friend’s name synonymously with stupid, when Regina declared it, with a nonchalant sweep of her golden waves, it was just a brazen turn of phrase. The reminder of their friendship, and its tragic end, both softened and hardened Janis and her expression betrayed the turmoil within.

“If my parents see you, they’ll flip the fuck off.” That was no understatement; her mother had been furious back in eighth grade and even now, the mention of Regina’s name would be cause for strained tension and occasional outbursts in her home. Her cruelty had rendered her infamous. Regina did not seem too nervous at the proclamation. In fact, she leant back against the wobbling fence post with a lazy smile on her irritatingly perfect features. 

“You know, there’s a party this weekend, a college thing so nobody lame from school will be there, and Aaron’s out of town all weekend with family.” Regina rolled her eyes as though she could not imagine a lamer excuse for his absence. 

“So?”

“ _ So _ , I was wondering if you wanted to go?” She articulated each word as though speaking to a toddler, enunciating every syllable, tossing those golden curls over her shoulder. So nonchalant, so unbothered. For a moment Janis was struck dumb. Was Regina actually asking  _ her _ to a party? 

“Is this your idea of an olive branch?”

“A what?”

“A peace offering, you know? Parley?”

“We’re not pirates, Janis.” Regina had a knack for that. For making Janis feel small, childish just with a pitiful cock of her head and a condescending tone. Even when they had both been young, it had always been Regina eager to grow up and Janis was left burying her youthful desires. Regina had been like that kid on the playground who had told everyone Santa Claus and the tooth fairy didn’t exist, just because his heart had shattered when he’d found out. She had shed her childhood like a second skin, blossomed into a beautiful butterfly and left Janis feeling small - still encased in cocoon goo. Well, she didn’t have time for it now. Janis marched down the path ignoring Regina as she reached out to pull her back.

“I thought you’d want to talk about Friday?” Regina spoke quieter now, something mellow entering her expression, something vulnerable quivering in her voice.

_ That _ caught Janis’ attention. She paused.

“I thought you  _ didn’t _ want to talk about Friday?” About the  _ kiss _ . A word they both refused to say. They were circling each other like wild animals (Janis could only imagine what borderline disturbing metaphor Cady would dream up, but she could never know). 

Regina lifted herself lazily from the fence, strolling that single step closer to Janis, whose heart was pounding at the new proximity. How could she vocalise a response? Fumbling for words that couldn’t seem to make it off a tongue that now felt heavy in her mouth. She was staring at Regina, her confident cocky grin, when her eyes flickered down to lips painted soft pink. She knew how those lips tasted, how they felt against her own, and she was struck with a sudden desire. It hit like an ache in her gut. If only she could lean just that short distance in and take what she knew she wanted, even if was a desire buried deep by years of denial.

Shaking herself from her reverie, Janis made to walk down the road, turning in surprise when Regina did not follow to continue the conversation  _ she _ had started, only to find the blonde standing with a conflicted expression upon her face. It was unsettling to see Regina unsure, self-conscious. And then it hit her - Regina did not want to walk into school with Janis, did not want them to be seen together, even after everything that had happened. Janis could have screamed. As it was she stalked back angrily, her disgust contorting her expression into something ugly and pained.

“You came to my house because you didn’t want us to be seen together and then you ask me to a party? What is wrong with you?”  The words spilled past her lips without hesitation. She was thirteen again with ‘dyke’ scrawled across her locker, keyed into the tacky paintwork as though they had scratched it into her skin. Rejection and hurt bled into her tone. “You won’t even walk through the school gates with me. What do you want?”

“Have you told anyone?” Regina’s voice quivered but she held strong, almost as though she was unaware how those words sliced through Janis like a knife.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Have you told anyone what happened because -“

“Fuck.” She did not give Regina the chance to finish before she cut her off with her outburst. So that was all she cared about? “Fuck you, Regina.” And with that, she stalked off towards the open gates of North Shore, pausing only to throw the middle finger back at the blonde girl still waiting at the edge of her garden.

 

When you dive heavily into the politics and complexities of vengeance, facts become white noise. This was something Janis was rapidly discovering as she lay sprawled across her sofa, one ear open to listen to the babble of chatter between Damian and Cady and the rest of her mind focusing on the ill fated conversation between Regina and herself earlier that week. It had been a lot to digest. She had not spoken to Regina since that meeting at her gate and Regina had had the good sense to stay away and give Janis some space. There was still a rage in her gut, a fire that had burned since eighth grade, but it was complicated now. Some of the sparks had turned to embers whilst others still ached and the flames licked her insides raw. Regina had ruined her life, cast her out into the cold. And all that time, she had been what? Projecting onto Janis? Had she even  _ known _ Janis’ secret or had that been a lucky guess? And now, Regina was too embarrassed to be seen alongside her old best friend, dating the star of the school and making out with Janis in empty school bathrooms. God, the girl was a mess beneath it all just like the rest of them. And now Cady wanted to talk about her own miserable love life -

“- Trying to talk to Aaron. I’ve asked him to tutor me but he’s still  _ with _ Regina.”

“I don’t know why you’re bothered. He’s not all that - What?” Janis fell into the question as both Cady and Damian turned to look at her incredulously.

“Aaron might have poor taste but he’s still a pretty boy.” Damian’s flamboyance was too much even for Janis this evening and she rolled her eyes, shifting onto her back so she could stare absentmindedly at the ceiling in piece. Her enthusiasm for this sabotage plan had dwindled over the past week, although she was not entirely sure why.

“Do we use ‘pretty’ to describe boys?” Cady asked hesitantly, as though she were about to make notes on a new topic in class.

“We use pretty to describe any hottie with a pretty face, Caddy. It’s a gender neutral term.”

“What about you, Janis?” Cady always spoke so hesitantly, her relentless enthusiasm hiding behind these awkward boundaries. Perhaps she would have made a good mathlete afterall. “Do you have any new suggestions?”

“I’ve already given, like, all the suggestions.”

“No, I mean - you used to be her  _ friend _ . You might know something -”

“You’ve got to get to Aaron.” Janis interrupted shortly. She  _ did _ know something. Of course she did. She knew Regina’s deepest secrets. She could sink Regina like she had sunk her and yet Janis opted for a softer form of destruction. Her motivations were blurred even to her. Was she hoping that the heartbreak would contribute to their greater plan, or was she simply selfish in her desire to see Regina single? Would that even make any difference? She couldn’t possibly  _ want _ Regina and Regina certainly did not want her. She’d made that perfectly plain. “He’s a symbol of her ultimate power over the school. Her ‘man candy’. If he leaves her for you - that  _ has _ to weaken Regina’s hold over everyone. We are taking away her power.”

Cady was clearly thrilled with the decision. Sometimes, when she cared to weigh up the consequences of her actions for more than a moment, Janis worried that her new wide-eyed friend was taking to this life a little too well. “I was thinking, there’s a party tomorrow night. I could go with the plastics - try and get some time alone with Aaron?”

“Aaron won’t be there. He’s out of town.” Shit, she had spoken without a thought.

“How do you know?” Cady’s innocent confusion was almost as irritating as it was endearing.

“Yeah, Janis, how do  _ you _ know?” Damian mimicked, his eyebrows rising with her voice. Amusement was hidden in his eyes, something teasing and inescapable. When two friends were as close as they were, it was impossible to lie. 

This could be her moment. This could be her vengeance. Imagine the damage they could unleash with the knowledge that Regina George had asked out famed lesbian, Janis Sarkisian, to a party. 

But she couldn’t do it, the words would not reach her lips and she found herself stammering blindly, “Uh, I overheard it - at school. He’s out of town with his parents all weekend.”

It was easy then to distract Cady, to spend the evening planning and laughing at the prospect of dragging down the Queen of Mean to their level, even to below, but Janis could feel Damian’s eyes trained on her. He put on a good show, joined in with the jest and even offered an imitation or two, but she knew that he understood her better than anyone and could tell she was not being entirely honest. 

Janis went to sleep that night with her mind full of burning questions and doubts. Was it cruel of her to ruin Regina’s life over a petty grudge from years ago? But then again, it went so much deeper than that. Regina had ruined her life. A year out of school in art therapy, losing her friends and learning so young the painful weight of homophobia that could drive you to despair. She was stronger for her struggles, but that did not mean she had to forgive them. Besides, Regina hadn’t changed. Her actions earlier that week had illustrated that clear as day. All she cared about was how she appeared to other people, and she didn’t care who she had to cut down to remain on top. No, Janis thought as she rolled over onto her side where she always slept curled up in the fetal position, she didn’t have to feel guilty at all.

 

Regina George was a virus. She crept into your system and warped your mind, lingered on everything you touched. Contagious. She had spread through North Shore and endeared every last student to her. They bowed and scraped at her feet, worshipped and despised her. Bringing them nothing but isolation and social confusion, they still craved her attentions. Janis was not immune; she was just a survivor. She had outlived the jeers and cruelty, but more than that, she had survived the time when she would have done anything for the girl she called her best friend. Their friendship had been intense, true, but so were many young girls’ bonds forged in the trauma of middle school. And then it had gone down in flames.

This was all something she tried desperately to keep in mind as she stood on the doorstep of a party she had never intended on attending. She had spent all day at school avoiding Regina’s gaze, avoiding even the thought of going out tonight. But she had blown off Damian’s suggestion of a movie night, shrugged at Cady’s wish to plan and plot their evening away, all the while convincing herself she had no wish to see the blonde bitch who had ruined her life. What  _ was  _ she doing here? There was little opportunity for sabotage here, hardly anyone from school would be in attendance or Regina would not have invited  _ her _ . Perhaps deep down Janis just wanted to know why  _ Regina _ had wanted her here. There was a niggling feeling in her gut that this was all some elaborate plan. That there was a hoax at play to humiliate her, but what further damage could Regina wreck and to end?

There was no use in hanging around waiting for someone to open the door; the party inside was in full swing and the walls were shaking with the force of the crowd within it. Janis swung open the door and edged around the party with her dark eyes scanning the swarms of drunkards for the blonde beauty. Her heart was in her throat, choking her up. This was the biggest social risk Janis had taken in years, and as much as she liked to insist she did not care, there was something terrifying about being so visible. Ripped shorts above black patterned tights and a tattered jumper; she was not exactly a mirror image of the college girls surrounding her. Janis held her head high; pretend you don’t care and you can’t get hurt.

And there she was, leaning as though bored against the wall in the corner. Boys were fawning over her, overzealous in their pursuit with a red cup in hand. Janis felt an odd thrill at Regina’s apparent lack of interest. That was, at least, until Regina glanced up and spotted her with horror in her eyes.

“What are  _ you _ doing here?” She pushed past her flock of adoring idiots as she strode towards Janis, but their eyes followed and Regina seemed more conscious of this now than she had been before.

“You invited me.” Janis’ tone flat; she could feel her fear building. This has been what she had dreaded. As her hand rose to brush back stray locks of dip-dyed hair from the non-shaved side of her head, she could feel it trembling.

“No,” Regina spoke slowly as though Janis was an idiot. Her eyes narrowing, cruelty taking dominance over embarrassment. Janis could see it now, all too clearly in a way she never could when she was younger, how Regina used her popularity and superiority like a shield. But that didn’t stop the words hitting her like a slap in the face. “Why would I invite  _ you _ here?”

Something spiteful rose in Janis’ gut, defensive and cruel; she could out Regina as simply as she had outed her and yet she didn’t. Janis stood perfectly still while the surrounding crowd guffawed and whispered around her. Digging her fingernails sharply into her closed fists, allowing the sharpness of the pain to centre her. “Follow me.”

She left without another word, shoving past the drunk students that suffocated her as she fled towards the hallway, up the stairs. Janis did not look back to see if Regina tailed behind, even as she stood waiting alone in the upstairs corridor. The music droned on beneath her, so loud she did not hear the other girl approaching. Tottering in those ridiculous shoes she somehow managed to pull off, even with the impact of several shots clear in her eyes. She was ever-graceful, majestic almost. God, did she always have to look so good?

“Why did you come here?” Regina’s words were softer now; there was something vulnerable in the wobble in her tone, and it irritated Janis. She found she couldn’t speak to respond. Her unspoken words were pained; vicious and mean, they flung poison. All there was left to do was repeat those words she’d spoken to those crowds downstairs, the ones she could still hear drunk and mocking her, the ones Regina had ridiculed her in front of. Unable to inflict them, Janis merely lunged forwards and her hands reached Regina’s face only moments before her lips. 

She was not gentle, biting down on petal soft lips as Regina gasped then softly sliding her tongue over the place where her pearl white teeth had just savaged. Using each reaction to further her hunger. Pushing the taller girl (towering over her in stiletto heels) back against the wall. They were so visible here, so vulnerable, and yet Janis did not care. All she could feel was Regina moving against her, and the soft whimpers she gave as Janis’ hands moved down her body, clutching tight to her bare waist. There was anger in the kiss, hurt too, but something old and passionate moved both of them beyond words. They had always been connected, always carried a bond that had grown scarred and weathered, but it still existed. Once you love someone, it is hard to unlearn this fundamental fact. They reach into your chest and clutch your heart with fingers as old as the world.

Once the shock had worn off, Regina fought back against Janis’ dominance. Her own kisses grew needier, pushing until she was no longer leaning against the wall for support. Janis was so warm, so familiar and she wanted to make her forgive her, make her need her. But as Janis felt the tug against her waist, Regina’s sharp painted nails pulling her closer and journeying up under the ragged cloth of her jumper, she jumped back instinctively.

Out of breath and with Regina’s cherry-red lipstick smeared across her lips, Janis took several panicked steps backwards. There was shock and rejection clear as day on the other girl’s face, but suddenly all she could see was the cruelty that had existed there not even an hour ago. This was not why she had come here; it wasn’t right. Staggering down the stairs without a parting word of goodbye, Janis stumbled into the chaos of the party downstairs. No one seemed to care for her bedraggled appearance. A guy in a football jersey offered her a beer and she accepted it, though she usually rarely drunk whilst out. She didn’t like to feel vulnerable. Vulnerable like being pushed against a wall by Regina George, like Regina’s hands slipping beneath her clothing and the soft ache it brought between her thighs. Vulnerable like knowing you were becoming weak for your worst enemy. The alcohol at least burned away some of the pain. She was comfortably numb, as the song went, she thought weakly. Stealing a second, then third bottle from the side (she doubted they would notice and she did not care much if they did) Janis slipped back out the front door.

 

Collapsing down on the front curb, Janis wondered how on Earth she was going to explain this to her mother when she was forced to ring for a lift. Only two beers in, the third still half-full in her hand, and she could already sense the slight blurring of her boundaries. She wished, half-heartedly, that she hadn’t left Regina and that second chance back in the upstairs hallway of some college kid’s home, but it was gone now. Her own fears had risen up like a tangled weed that had long since taken root in her gut growing up to strangle her lungs, make her hold her breath in terror. 

She was so caught up in her own head, replaying that scene in the hall over and over, that she didn’t notice Regina approaching across the lawn until she plopped down beside her. It was an oddly amusing sight to see the blonde girl so disheveled. Her make up a little smudged, although she’d made an obvious attempt at fixing it after their session in the house, and her skirt riding up as she attempted to find a ladylike position by the side of the road.

“Was I that bad? I don’t have all the lesbo experience you have.” Her words were starting to slur but there was a smile on her face, a humour masking something nervous - Janis could tell. It was there in the quick flickering of her eyes, the lack of the narrowing meanness. This was all new territory for them both. Revisiting a war ground many years after the battle.

“No, I just - I guess I’ve still got some issues to work out.”

“All that art therapy and you still can’t kiss a girl?”

Janis threw Regina a filthy look with as much conviction as she could muster, but she had to admit she stifled a laugh. What a mess they both were? Or maybe that was the alcohol. They both sat in silence under the stars, the grass wet and seeping like rising damp into her clothing. She was going to have to leave soon, but she didn’t know quite how to say goodbye.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” The unprompted offer took Janis by surprise. Regina even seemed shocked that she’d offered.

“Sounds pretty lesbo to me, Regina.”

“Shut up.” But she laughed; she actually laughed. Janis marvelled at the easy nature of the sound, wondering if perhaps Regina was just more relaxed drunk. She almost resembled the girl she had once known when she was not surrounded by her friends.

“You don’t live anywhere near me but thanks for the offer.”

“Oh, shut up. I can just get Aaron to give me a lift from yours. I’d ask to stay but -”

“My parents hate your guts.”  _ And so do I _ , Janis tried to remind herself. But then another thought struck her - “Wait, I thought Aaron was out of town this weekend?” 

Only Regina George could look so nonchalant at being caught in a lie. “No,” She rolled her eyes as though this was obvious. “I mean, he had football practise this evening but he’s around to pick me up. I just didn’t feel like seeing him tonight.”

“You said -”

“I forgot.”

Abrupt and definite; you did not argue with that tone. Regina had shrugged it off but Janis  _ knew _ . That was a deception a whole week in the making. Regina had told her several days ago that Aaron was out of town, Janis had even passed the information onto Cady, and for what? To get Janis to attend a party she had panicked when she’d actually turned up to? For all her self-assurance, this conflict seemed to have the famed socialite in turmoil. She didn’t speak to accept the offer, merely standing in response and holding out her open palm to haul Regina to her heeled feet. Regina didn’t relinquish her grip on Janis’ hands, although her rings must have dug into her flesh with the force she gripped it, and the pair walked down the street with their hands interlocked.

Outside Janis’ house, it was the same scene as had taken place earlier that week. The pair standing uncertain before each other, so much still unspoken, but with a new understanding. This time Janis leant in for a gentle kiss goodbye, marvelling at Regina’s soft lips and floral scent, before hurrying in through her back door. She could still feel Regina pressed close to her, the intoxicating sensation of being at the mercy of a mighty predator and the even greater thrill of making her weak. It was with less conviction this time that the raven haired girl slipped off to sleep, curled tight in a ball, thinking wistfully about her arch enemy.


	3. Finished Before the Start.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of the secret growing between regina and janis and the struggle to keep in that way. plus some jealousy and a little angst.  
> the storyline pacing for this fic btw, is ideally going to quite quickly cover canon in the next chapter or two. and then have a couple of post-canon chapters to reconcile what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is hella appreciated and def inspires me to keep writing this !! i'm sorry i'm slow sometimes.  
> feel free to send me prompts for my one shot series or come hmu on tumblr @ groolforschool bc i love to talk about mean girls ok  
> any mistakes or errors in here are totally my own. feel free to point them out, politely pls.  
> pls let me know what you think ! comments and feedback actually make my entire day  
> go forth and be gay ilu

Things had become more complicated than Janis had anticipated. She was back in the cafeteria, sitting just where she had sat that first day she’d encountered Regina in the bathroom. How could she be in a place where she was actually  _ considering _ upholding a drunken plan devised by her and Regina on the walk home from that fateful college party? They had been about halfway back to Janis’ place when Regina had turned and offered that she could come over for an evening the following weekend. Janis hadn’t spoken to Regina since so the idea of turning up unannounced at her house was absurd; she simply couldn’t do it. But to ask Regina if the invitation still stood was such an abhorrent idea that she simply resigned herself to waiting to see if she would be approached. So much had changed and yet so little had evolved. Despite the guilt now manifesting in her gut, Janis could not forgive Regina. Nor could she accept that she had changed or even regretted the damage she had caused. Regina might have decided she wanted Janis now, as though she were some secret accessory she would never wear out in public (like that tacky chipped charm bracelet from seventh grade Janis  _ knew _ Regina had kept in the back of her closet), but she didn’t just get to claim whoever she wanted.

She had been so lost in thought that Janis did not even notice, until a sharp nudge to the ribs from Damian informed her, that a girl had plopped herself down at their table and appeared to be flirting with her. It was shocking, and she had to admit a little flattering, for the strawberry blonde girl with wide green eyes to be gazing at her with admiration and it made Janis a little uncomfortable. She wasn’t used to such attentions, but she listened intently to the girl’s stories and tried to give more than half-assed shrugs and rude replies in response and found that she actually quite liked the girl. Yet when the offer finally came, the first date she had been asked on all year, Janis felt a certain trepidation. To go out to a movie after school with the pretty girl who looked at her so softly. What if Regina turned around and insisted upon her previous invitation to hang out this afternoon? Janis’ own house was empty and she had no place to be. Besides, she had already said yes to Regina. But she couldn’t be held accountable to everything she had agreed to whilst drunk, surely, and Regina had probably forgotten she had ever offered. Janis toyed with the idea for some time while the girl looked on nervously before she traded her number across the table, much to Damian’s jubilation, and agreed to meet her after her free period to watch some tacky new romance film in town.

She didn’t notice until the ring of the bell brought commotation back to the wildlands of the North Shore cafeteria that Regina was glaring pointedly at their table. For a moment, Janis could not place her rage. Had she done something further to displease her? To cause her to glare at her so? In a moment of panic, Janis worried that Regina had discovered the true intent behind the Kalteen bars laying on the table between her and Cady. But then her glare shifted, following - not Janis but - the girl who had dared to flirt with her as she exited on her way to class before snapping back to Janis like a warning. She maintained her stare, not backing down as she packed up her things and headed towards the art department.

 

Janis had been working on this painting for the past week. It was for an up and coming exhibition and she wanted to encapsulate something softer about herself, about her life. Her own face was immortalised upon the canvas alongside those of Cady and Damian. She was quite proud of it; it was some of her finest work. However, this particular afternoon, Janis had only been able to relax in the art room for ten minutes before the doors slammed open.

“What was all that about?” Regina marched in with her hands on her hips. A powerful silhouette but something hurting and petty gleaming in those sharp blue eyes.

“All what?”

“You know what? The skank with the hair like wheat.”

“You don’t get to do that, Regina.” Janis spoke slowly, ignoring Regina’s attempt at antagonising. They both knew their relationship carried a terminal diagnosis; there was no way it could survive. “You’re  _ with  _ Aaron.”

“I’m not  _ doing _ anything.”

“You’re being jealous.”

“I don’t  _ do _ jealousy. Never have, never will.” The way she tossed her hair was so irritatingly carefree, cocky confidence that she wore like a shield. Her laughter was so authentic, if anyone but Janis had heard it then they might have truly believed her scorn. But Janis knew Regina all too well. She recognised that flash in her eyes and the way she gripped her fingers to fists. In an attempt to placate her, Janis leant in gently and pressed a reassuring kiss to her lips, half expecting the other girl to shove her away for fear of being spotted so publicly but instead Janis found herself slammed back hard against the counter until she was forced to rock up on her toes to sit on it, with Regina’s lips moving furiously against her own. This wasn’t tender or gentle. It was possessive and for some reason that irked Janis and she shoved her back harder. Hands that had instinctively moved with her inherent weakness for the blonde girl to rest on Regina’s waist lifted up to push her shoulders, forcing the proximity between them to grow.

She wanted more. Oh, she really wanted more. She could still taste Regina’s cherry gloss on her lips as she wiped them clean but that craving was hopeless. Their dalliance was a fruitless romance. Janis was not Regina’s. The other girl had made that quite clear. This was not a love affair but a simple longing, unresolved issues they were not both willing to face. And it hurt to much to commit to something she knew she could not possess.

Regina didn’t comment. She knew. “You’re still coming to mine tonight?” For once not a declarative but a question.

“No - I have a date now.” Her reply was sharp and Janis hoped it would cut. She hoped Regina might know that people could not be her possessions, and certainly not Janis. Regina hadn’t changed, not from all those years ago. She still treated people like toys.

 

Janis laid sprawled on the floor of Damian’s converted garage, one hand grasping a bowl of snacks, as she recounted her afternoon to her two closest friends. It was not that the date had been  _ bad _ exactly, perhaps a little awkward, but rather that her heart had not been in it. That made it rather hard to explain truthfully why she had bailed on the poor girl’s offer to grab some food after, when all she had been thinking was how much she wanted to be back with Regina. Not secretly hiding away, but out seeing trashy films and discussing them over fancy dinners in restaurants only Regina would have picked out. So consumed was she by that thought that Janis could only shrug at Damian’s persistent questions.

Eventually, thankfully, he was distracted by Cady. Janis gave the new girl a moment’s consideration while she spoke, recounting her conversation with Aaron in math class and how she was certain he was her soulmate, that this was a love she was going to understand, and she noticed the shortened length of her skirt, and the lightened tint to her hair. Cady was morphing slowing into a plastic, something cheap and fake, before Janis’ very eyes but it would have been rude to point it out. And besides, this whole thing had been her idea.

“You know, Janis?” She tuned sharply back into the conversation when Cady’s dull recount turned into a direct question. “I spoke to Aaron in AP calc today - he said he wasn’t out of town last weekend after all?”

“Really?” Janis’ voice rose but it did not crack. Damian turned with suspicion in his eyes.

“Yeah, he said he had to pick up Regina from some party because she was drunk.” Cady rolled her eyes as though she could not think of anything more despicable than Regina’s exploits. Janis might once have agreed if she hadn’t known that she’d hidden behind a bush as Aaron’s car had parked up to collect a staggering Regina from the corner of Janis’ own driveway.

“Oh, I must have misheard.” Janis could sense her awkwardness growing. Her world was built on blunt blanket honesty and lying to Damian felt like the greatest deceit. She couldn’t lay down here any longer. Scrambling to her feet, she grabbed her backpack from the floor and tossed it over her shoulders. “Shit, I just remembered my folks wanted me home by seven tonight.” An out and out lie but Janis was silently grateful in that moment that she hadn’t mentioned her parents’ absence to her friends.

“I can give you a ride on the jazzy?” Damian offered, his focus already drawn back to the movie.

“Nah, it’s cool.” Being alone with Damian was not a good idea right now. “See you guys tomorrow.”

“Yeah! More plastic sabotage!” Cady cheered from where she rested against Damian’s arms and Janis tried to throw back a genuine smile in response as she slipped quickly out the door.

 

But once home, alone on her sofa as the house held that familiar silence, Janis couldn’t stand to be isolated in those thoughts. She couldn’t text her friends she had just left, not without revealing her lies, and the idea of contacting her date for the night was so uncomfortable that she did the only thing she could think of. She reached for her phone and, like a long buried instinct from years ago, she rang Regina.

She had to hand it to her, Regina arrived quickly. She didn’t mention their previous discussion, or even the kiss that Janis had soured. She simply fought Janis, and won (much to Janis’ chagrin), over putting on some gruesome horror flick and instead insisted on The Notebook. The movie was far too heterosexual to hold Janis’ interest for long and she spent much of the first few scenes simply watching the girl beside her. Trying to note the expressions that flickered more freely across her face now she wasn’t in public, where she would wear that stony mask to hide all weakness. She was relearning her friend - is that what they were? She was still trying to ruin her life, still hating and hurting, and yet she felt more relaxed here than she had all night.

Conversation between the two of them was stilted, marred by the awkward of years of disgust and pain they were both trying to hide tonight, and soon they drifted from casual bickering over suitable movie snacks to more serious topics.

“Are you ever going to come out?” It was a difficult question for them both and Regina did not give a flippant response but simply looked thoughtful for a moment. Janis tried not to wait with baited breath as the other girl held a potential future for them both in her hands

“It’s - difficult right now.” She gave an impatient sigh, flipping her hair and trying to maintain a composure that looked fit to burst. It was a sad sight but Janis knew she would offer comfort at the risk of losing a limb so she waited patiently. “If I tell them - I stand to lose everything. Not just the support of nobodies and randos but, like, people I  _ actually _ care about. I’ll always be that little bit less than I was before. I’m never going to be the same to them. Am I the same to you?”

“No.” Janis answered honestly. “But then, that’s probably for the best. You’re kind of a raging bitch a lot of the time. You’re more like - like you were before.”

But in a way, Janis understood. She had been thrown out of the closet, without much care as to where she landed. True, it had sucked for a while - it had burned her life down to the ground but she had grown up in those ashes and emerged, in a way, victorious. She could live as she was now; Regina was still trapped, perhaps even more so. Her rage at Regina had never dimmed only due to her action and those never-forgotten consequences. By junior year, most people had forgotten those callous cruel words they had flung at a frightened thirteen year old girl. But Janis had not forgotten; she doubted she ever would.

“Why didn’t you tell Cady the truth?”

“Cady?” Regina spoke their friend’s name as though she had never heard of her and refused to meet Janis’ eyes, focusing instead on the film Janis knew she was not watching. The question may have come out of the blue but Janis could spot the flash of recognition in those blue eyes trained on the small screen and knew Regina understood exactly what she meant.

“You told Cady you couldn’t invite me to your party back then because of some bullshit excuse. It was a dirty lie and you know it.”

“I didn’t want Cady to think - I don’t know. You’re interrupting the film.” Janis lunged for the remote and paused the scene before turning back to Regina pointedly.

“Are you into Cady?” The thought had just struck Janis and she wore an expression like something sour had exploded in her mouth.  _ That _ was not how her plan was supposed to go.

“What? No!” Shocked, Regina almost snorted before she paused thoughtfully. The same concentrated displeasure appearing on her perfect features as she turned sharply to stare down Janis. “Are you?”

“Cady is not my type.” Janis laughed at even the thought. Sure, she was cute - hot even, especially with her growing sense of style, but Janis hadn’t looked at her that way since they’d first spoken. Damian had made the odd quip behind Cady’s back but it was all in jest.

“And that  _ girl _ from the cafeteria, the one you went out with, she’s your type?” Janis could hear the tension in Regina’s voice, the strain it took to deliver the question with a half smile and a shimmer of cold in her eyes.

“Not really.” So rarely was she quiet that Janis almost surprised herself. Leaning back, dragging her feet up to her chest as though the hugging ball form would offer her some comfort. “It was a dull date.”

“Oh, that’s a shame.” But there was a brilliance in Regina’s grin that had been lacking before. She looked like the cat that had got the cream.

“You could sound a little disappointed for me then.” Janis said, rolling her eyes, not bothering to keep the sarcasm from her tone.

“What  _ is _ your type?” Regina insisted, clearly not about to let the subject drop without an answer.

“Hot blonde bitches.” Spoken without thought. Janis meant the words to come out as a joke but they slipped off her tongue with more sincerity than intended. She followed her response with a half-laugh, hoping that’d mask it a little more.

“Like me?” The triumph was evident in Regina’s tone and smirk and Janis couldn’t help but smile.

“You think you’re hot?” Mimicking Regina’s own patronising speech, soft and a little threatening.

“I  _ know _ I’m hot.” Regina purred, confidence oozed easily from every pore. “And I know they say that I am a blonde  _ bitch _ . I know what they say about me. It’s not  _ all _ true, of course, but a lot of it is.” Regina didn’t seem to care though - and in that moment, neither did Janis. Regina was leaning forwards now. Janis awkwardly unfolded her limbs, sliding her feet to the floor, as the blonde girl climbed atop her. Knees pressed against Janis’ thighs, Regina’s lips moving against hers before Janis could could reply with a quip of her own. Focusing first on Janis’ lower lip and then her top, Regina lacked restraint as she kissed greedily and Janis reciprocated with an even fiercer desire.

“Is this okay?” Regina whispered. The nervousness in her voice was so new that Janis could not help but smile, feeling more assured with each moment. She pulled herself up onto her knees and pushed Regina back so that she could straddle her lap on the limited space of the sofa. The movie stayed paused and forgotten as she pressed hungry kisses to the other girl’s gloss-smeared lips until Regina parted them with a sigh and she slipped her tongue past her lips, kissing openly.

“Yes,” She breathed against Regina’s bare neck, pressing soft kisses against her pulse point and grinning at the erratic rate at which it beat against her lips, at the soft moans that were like music to her ears. “But this is better.”

 

It was easy then for Janis to side sweep the entire affair as just that, an affair. Something secret and perhaps a little wrong. But it’s just sex, right? Damian was always telling her to put herself out there more. Sure, he probably didn’t mean casually hooking up with famed life-ruiner Queen Bee, Regina George, whose life they were now attempting to ruin in turn. But there was no point dwelling on what might have been. Geez, even those words were tinged with regret and Janis had none. Or so she convinced herself.

Janis patiently waited for her friends’ arrival as she thought over the events of the previous night. There was a new guilt there now, for Aaron. But she knew that relationship was doomed. Regina was only dating him as a shield, and as a way to torment poor Cady - which even Janis had to admit was definitely effective.  _ Their _ attraction was truer. She didn’t have to feel too bad, right? She certainly didn’t feel too bad as she sat dopily on the sofa with a rare smile plastered on her dramatically painted features.

“Oh my god, you  _ slept _ with her!” Damian’s words went like a dagger through her heart as he marched melodramatically into the room. Janis jumped dramatically at the break from her reverie.

“What?” Janis panicked. How had he found out about Regina? And why didn’t he look pissed? In fact, he looked practically elated.

“Girl, I thought it was odd when you left so soon but now I get it.” He waved his arms with characteristic flair before staring Janis down pointedly. “Not to be too gay, but I’m not interested in deets. Just tell me if you like her? You said the date was, and I quote, ‘kinda shit’.”

Oh crap, Janis realised all too quickly what was happening and scrambled to collect her story. “No, no. I did _not_ _sleep_ with her. What are you on?”

“You just look - content.” Damian had dropped down beside her now, wriggling his eyebrows with unspoken meaning. Janis elbowed him sharply to get him to shop. “Quit that. You have bony elbows.”

“You quit it and don’t you dare say anything to Caddy.” No sooner had the words left her mouth, and Damian had dramatically sealed his lips with a grin that said he had the kind of questions Janis was dreading to answer, then Cady came bursting through the door.

“Regina - She’s  _ cheating _ on Aaron!”

Shit, shit. Janis paled. How could Cady know? First Damian and now her. For half a moment she even felt a swell of pity for Regina. It was one thing for them to know that her relationship to Aaron was a farce, but another for her to be outed as a lesbian through Janis’ own plan. She thought desperately for a way to salvage the situation as her mind started a downwards spiral, interrupted by Cady with a sharp shock like a slap to the face.

“She’s cheating on Aaron -” Cady repeated as though the words hadn’t quite sunk in for her yet, “With Shane Oman.”


End file.
